Hey! I just figured I'd write some thoughts. I've recently felt inspired to write. I've always felt ashamed to do it, mainly because I was getting pretty bad grades in writing class as a kid. It's stupid, I know. But I'm trying to get rid of shame from my life, and actually enjoy my time on the planet without caring about people's opinions. Writing in English also feels more natural, somehow. Probably because I've been living in a foreign country for most of my adult life. I'll probably sound like a douchebag to most French people, but I just want to embrace my identity. Which is French mixed with a bunch of foreign influences, from American references to my time in the UK and Nijmegen. Anyway, it feels good to update the website. It was cool to look back to the cool things I did these past 5 years. All the people I met, the places I miss. The people I miss. Going through the photos has me wanting to share more things with people. I live a pretty boring life, and the few things that I found exciting or remember, are things I've either experienced with people, or done on my own and then shared with people. It might be lame, but it's just the way my brain works. It all makes me want to create more, enjoy more, see and hear more. Because I feel like I could die at any moment and actually regret it! Anyway, if you read this, you're probably a close friend or someone I feel will appreciate the website. Thanks for spending your time on something I made. Thank you for being curious, and thank you for valuing our relationship. Peace - Tom
Hi again! I felt like writing.
It's been a while I think. Couple months probably. Not sure if I should look it up and actually start putting dates somewhere. Probably not. It's 2023, and Christmas is right around the corner.
Weather's been pretty horrible, lots of rain, some very cold days when it wasn't raining. Didn't think I got the winter blues but now I do realize I start getting back into this sort of brain haze when October rolls arounds.
It's not getting much better as time goes on, and I really have to pay attention to keeping to my routine, practicing sports regularly, and taking time off screens. Otherwise I start feeling shitty again.
Met a girl the other day. Waaay too soon to write about it, I know. Cause it's probably not gonna go anywhere. But if there's no hope, there's no fun. So I just hope it turns out okay.
I don't want anything crazy, just talking to her would be nice. Like for 5 minutes, one on one. She's super cute!
I've been listening to Laufey a lot, which means I kind of am in a romantic mood. And the cold means I'm not meeting many people, which doesn't help with loneliness. But I'm glad I'm doing as good as I am right now lol.
Excited to spend more time with my family. I just want simple things right now. Like a simple relationship?? It just occured to me I've had some of the hardest situations, relationship wise, you could get.
There's worse for sure, like sickness and death, but in a regular old relationship, between young people, I feel like I got great partners, shit situations. Like moving abroad, switching jobs, long distance stuff. Great learning experience though!
Catching myself daydreaming about someone again is kiiind of insane and shocking though. Like everyone else said, you move on, wounds end up healing, blah blah blah. I'm not the first one to say it, but you definitely just live with it.
The pain's still there, and the person's still gone, just like a loss. So you mourn, and after some time, you get used to the ghosts, the memories that suddenly fade in from time to time. It hurts as much, just less often.
Anyway, I'm fine most of the time now. Sorry for the messy writing, and I might be talking to you again soon! Hope I can write some poetry again soon.
Cheers
- Tom
Heyyyyyyyy!
So... it's March 2025 now. Remember that girl I told you about? We dated. But it's over now. It lasted 10 months until she broke up with me. I've got my issues, she's got hers, but it always hurts letting someone go. I really enjoyed her company. But I'm unsure if we were meant for each other.
Just trying not to blame either of us too much. I just need to move on and get better :)
Remember the whole thing about the winter blues? Got it again, I'm sure it's impacting my life way more than I ever thought. I need to go abroad and see the sun in Jan/Feb, otherwise I'm a mess lol
The good thing in the middle of all this is, I feel like being creative again. I wanna travel the world, and planning to finally go to Japan. After all these years!!! I'm so excited.
I'm also hoping to overcome my social anxiety and go to my first concert since... 2018?? I'm old as fuck oh my god.
In 2024, I didn't do much. But life was good I think! Met some of the most positive people ever. Or at least got to know some people much more.
Arnaud, my tennis coach, has been helping me make progress, both with my tennis game and the mental aspect of it all. It's helped me in my personal life as well. He's a lovely person.
Romain, my manager, is very understanding of all my struggles. He gives me time to get better, doesn't pressure me at all, and is very appreciative when work gets done well. I couldn't wish for a better environment.
Just realized I started naming people even though I didn't want to. At least they're not my ex, I guess it's fine lmao.
I also went to Portugal, and visited my friends in Switzerland for a week. It's been such a good time with them. Iris, Stefan, if you ever read this, I love you guys SO MUCH. Seriously, just the most chill people to hang with.
I'm just coming back from a weekend trip to Paris as well, and took some okay pics. Gonna add them to the site now. I'd recommend the Natural History Museum, but don't pay for the greenhouses unless you love plants lol. It's fairly small and not super detailed.
Anyway, take care, and let's all be nice to each other!
NB: Almost forgot to mention this - I'm seeing a psychologist!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!! Finally. Who would have thought it would help with all my mental issues????? Craaaaaazy lmao
-Tom